


we saw brilliance (when the world was asleep)

by librawritings



Category: CrankGameplays - Fandom, ethan nestor - Fandom
Genre: CrankyCrew, Ethan is incredible tbh, F/M, Fluff, Implied Anxiety, Mental Health Issues, Original Character - Freeform, Recreational Drug Use, Smut, Some angst, Some pining, YouTube, YouTubers - Freeform, acquaintances to friends to friends with benefits to lovers, alcohol use, and sex, do not forget the sex, gotta love him, implied depression, just weed though, writing this makes me feel alive
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:15:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28407603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/librawritings/pseuds/librawritings
Summary: Morgan Starr was living a simple life - working at a nearby coffee shop part-time, uploading videos for her 500k followers to watch, and taking it day-by-day. Until one day, Billie Eilish (of all people) name-drops her, and her follower count skyrockets. Suddenly, she's gained 2.5 million followers within one week, and she's playing Among Us with big names she had never thought she would meet before. And...she meets Ethan.One thing leads to another, and suddenly she is not only friends with Ethan, but friends with benefits. As her feelings for Ethan grow, she begins to feel less and less sure about everything else in her life but him (although she is unsure about whether or not he returns those feelings, but she sure as hell isn't about to ask).A friends-to-lovers story about growing fame, big feelings, mental health, and finding the person you're meant to be with.Trigger warning: this story references/implies depression and anxiety, and there is alcohol and drug use.
Relationships: CrankGamePlays/Female OC, CrankGamePlays/OC, Ethan Nestor/Female OC, Ethan Nestor/OC
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of these characters besides Morgan. Please remember this is all fictional and I do not know these people in real life.
> 
> The title comes from the song "One More Light" by Linkin Park.

When Morgan Starr woke up on a normal Tuesday morning, she did not expect to see her name trending on Twitter along with Billie Eilish’s. She had a tendency to automatically think the worst, so as soon as she saw that her stomach sank down into her toes. She even double-checked to make sure it was _her_ name trending, and not a different, more famous (and more controversial) YouTuber trending instead. But it was her – Morgan Starr and Billie Eilish. _Oh my god,_ she thought, _did Billie Eilish destroy me on Twitter? Is this the end of my career?_

Already she was planning her next move, how she would address it, what her next career move would be. She had a bachelor’s degree, and she was currently working part-time at a local coffee shop, but who would hire her after Billie Eilish brought her down? Was she going to get fired from the coffee shop, too?

Of course, Morgan was overreacting. First, she realized that, while she and Billie were trending on Twitter, Billie had mentioned her on Instagram. When Morgan clicked over to Instagram, she saw that Billie had taken a picture of one of Morgan’s latest YouTube videos and posted it on her story, captioning it: “Yo, @MorganStarr is funny as fuck”.

And that was how Morgan’s YouTube channel shot from 500,000 followers to over one million in just one day, and around three million by the end of the week. It was also how she wound up becoming casual friends with Billie Eilish.

* * *

She was grilled about the whole encounter in an Among Us lobby later that week. Somehow, she had wound up with an invitation to play with several of the bigger names, including Rae, Ethan, Corpse, Poki and so many more. Names she had heard and watched for years – and then suddenly, there she was, in a lobby to play with them while streaming on Twitch.

“So, Morgan…” Corpse, of all people, said, “how does it feel to be name-dropped by Billie Eilish?”

She knew her chat was exploding – first of all, she was _playing_ with Corpse, but he had also mentioned her by name? What the fuck?

After she took a moment to wipe the shock off of her face, she answered. “Um, fucking unreal, to be honest.”

Everyone in the lobby laughed, including Morgan. This whole week had been unreal, an absolute dream. Her YouTube channel was no specific genre – she did a little bit of everything, from gaming to beauty and some life advice tossed in, too.

“That was, like, one of the coolest things ever.” It was Ethan this time who spoke. “Are you and Billie Eilish friends now?”

Morgan smiled. There was such juxtaposition between Ethan and Corpse’s voices, she couldn’t help herself. “I think so? We had a whole conversation after she tagged me, and we’ve sent each other memes.” Again, her chat was exploding. This was new information to her fans. Morgan took advantage of the moment and looked directly at her camera. “Billie, if you’re watching this, please call me.” Laughter sounded through the chat once again, Ethan’s being the loudest she could hear.

The round began less than a minute later. She was a decent player, nothing special. Her imposter games were about 50/50 for winning, but she was a crewmate this round. And everything was fine – she wasn’t murdered, and she did her tasks. Corpse and Rae wound up being the imposters for that round.

She had fun that night – she laughed, she screamed silently as a ghost when the group voted off the wrong person, and she embarrassed herself by remaining unmuted while singing a happy little tune doing wires. Ethan unmuted himself to tell her – with a chuckle, he said, “Morgan, you’re not muted.”

“Whoops.” She laughed and blushed before muting herself for real.

The best moment came during one of the later rounds when she was an imposter. She was running past electrical towards the lower engine when Ethan came out of electrical. She didn’t think twice – she killed him and kept going, a wide grin on her face. She had made it to cams when the body was called by Poki, her fellow imposter.

“Um, I just found Ethan’s body outside of electrical. Like, right in the doorway.” Poki announced.

“Did you see anyone?” Rae asked.

“No, I didn’t, which I realize makes me a little sus, but I was with Corpse for most of this round and he was right behind me.”

Corpse chimed in then. “Yeah, I can confirm that. Poki didn’t do this kill.”

Unless you and Poki are both imposters and you’re covering for her.”

Corpse paused. “Uh, yeah. That could be true, I guess.” 

“I was with Ethan in electrical a couple minutes ago, and I left when he was still in there. He must have been killed as he left.” Toast interjected. “I went from electrical to navigation.”

Morgan’s heartbeat sped up in her chest. This was a risk – but she was going to take it. “So, you were the last one to see him alive, then?”

Toast hesitated. “Besides whoever killed him, I guess so. Where were you, Morgan?”

Another risk. “I was in cafeteria loitering for a bit at the start of the round because I went and got some water, and then I did wires at the top, went over to MedBay and started the anomaly task, and I just got to cams when the body was called.”

There was a beat of silence. Then, “Yeah, I saw Morgan just standing at the table at first, and the rest seems to check out.” And the round continued. Somehow, no one suspected her, and everyone skipped. She and Poki ended up winning the round.

"Oh, my fucking god,” Morgan started laughing as the Discord exploded.

“Morgan, you killed Ethan, right?” Poki asked, glee evident in her voice.

“Yeah, yeah I did.” Morgan giggled. “Sorry about that, Ethan.”

Ethan was laughing. “That took balls, I _cannot_ believe you got away with that one. You killed me _right_ in the doorway. Literally anyone could have come around the corner and seen it.”

“I sure did. And I’d do it again, too.”

She and Ethan giggled.

After the stream ended, she saw she had a DM on Twitter from Ethan. They followed each other, and had for a while, but they had never messaged each other before. When she opened it, the first thing she noticed was that he had sent her his phone number, along with a sweet message about how it had been fun to play with her and how he would love to get to know her sometime.

What a week.

* * *

By the end of the week, though, her high spirits were fading. It wasn’t a huge surprise; this had been such an emotional week, of course she had to come down from it. It wasn’t abnormal for her, either. Morgan had a history of finding herself in low spots and dark moods without any idea of how to lift herself out of them. It had made her college years hell.

She felt like an imposter – an actual one, not from the game. She hadn’t done anything to earn those 2.5 million followers besides make Billie Eilish laugh, and now, suddenly, she had more eyes on her than she ever had before. Would they like her content? What if they followed her and then immediately unfollowed? That would be incredibly embarrassing, and there would be nothing she could do to stop it – she would just have to sit there and watch.

Morgan sank into that dark place in her mind with the familiarity of pulling on an old, worn coat. She didn’t leave her bedroom. She barely ate. On Saturday, she couldn’t find the wherewithal to upload her next video as scheduled, so she dug deep within herself and sent a Tweet out about it to avoid people freaking out over it.

_@MorganStarr: hey everyone, there won’t be a new video today. I’m feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment and need to get myself back on track. I’ll be back for Wednesday’s video! xoxo_

She put her phone on Do Not Disturb and set it on her nightstand and fell into a dreamless sleep.

Hours later, she woke up as the sun went down. She needed to eat, and she knew she needed to shower. One thing at a time. One step at a time. Morgan first sat up and checked her phone, scrolling through her notifications slowly. To her surprise, she saw she had a text from Ethan.

After he had sent her his number, she had texted him to make sure he could save her number as well; they had chatted a bit and then the conversation had died off naturally. An hour ago, he had texted her a simple question: **want to watch something on Netflix?**

She debated it for a moment. On one hand, she could use the distraction, and she liked Ethan. She liked talking with him, and, well, he was pretty cute, too. On the other…she was about 95% sure he was reaching out to try and make her feel better, and a part of her felt guilty, like she would be putting some sort of burden on him by accepting. Did that make sense? Not really. But it felt like a big enough issue that she had to think about it before eventually deciding to go for it. She finally texted him back an hour and a half later.

_Hey. If you’re still down for it, I would love to._

Ethan texted back almost instantly. **let’s gooooooo. you choose and send me the netflix party link**

_Any restrictions?_

**Surprise me**

Morgan had a feeling he was, once again, letting her choose so she could take her mind off of everything. Okay, fine. She would choose a show that she always took comfort in, that always made her feel better. Morgan pulled out her laptop, made the link, and sent it to Ethan over text.

She saw him click on almost immediately. He changed his profile picture to a hot dog, and then immediately started typing.

**i have never watched bo burnham**

Morgan gasped. _That is blasphemy_

**this better be good or i will complain**

_Bring it on._

She changed her profile picture to one of Iron Man and hit play on the comedy special.

In truth, Morgan had the show memorized. When she was down, Bo Burnham was always able to make her smile. She enjoyed the musical aspect and found him to be genuinely funny.

It was entertaining to see Ethan’s reactions to the jokes. He always commented when he found something to be funny, and she found herself smiling every time she saw that he was typing in the chat. Sometimes it was just an “omg” or “holy fuck that was funny” or, in the beginning, “this guy can sing??? was NOT expecting that”. Morgan found herself being laughing along to both the show and Ethan.

The show ended, and Morgan paused everything. Ethan started typing, and she waited, watching the chat almost urgently. Her phone started ringing out of the blue, and Morgan grabbed it without checking the caller ID.

“Hello?” She answered, eyes still locked on the chat.

“Hey.”

It was Ethan.

Morgan froze, feeling shy out of nowhere. “Ethan…hey.”

“Hey.”

They both laughed – Morgan, because of nerves. She wasn’t sure why Ethan was laughing, but she liked his laugh. It was different than any other laugh she had heard before, and it sounded so genuine.

She cleared her throat. “Thanks, uh…thanks for watching that with me.”

“Of course. It was funny, actually. You have good taste.”

She blushed, and it made her even more nervous. “Thank you…Bo Burnham always makes me laugh, even when I don’t feel much like laughing.”

There was a pause, and Morgan cursed herself for saying that. She was basically admitting that she was feeling down, and she barely knew the guy. This was definitely not his problem – Ethan had already been so kind to watch the comedy show with her.

“You know…” Ethan paused, as if thinking about his words. “When I hit one million subscribers back in January…a lot of people made it about Mark. And to a point, I do owe part of my success to Mark. But…people subscribed and _stayed_ subscribed because of me. Because they enjoy my content. It was such a happy time, but I also felt insecure about it. Until I remembered that the reason that I hit one million was because I worked hard, and I earned it.”

Morgan bit down on her lip. “Wow…that…that is remarkably similar to how I’m feeling right now.” She laughed weakly.

Ethan chuckled, too. “Your content is good, Morgan. I, uh…I’ve been catching up on your videos.” He laughed again, sounding just as shy as she had felt earlier.

“Well, I appreciate that. I think you’re a good creator, too.”

“Aw, I’m blushing.”

They giggled.

Morgan sighed softly. “Hey, thank you though. This really helped me a lot, Ethan. I appreciated this more than you know.”

“Of course…and, uh…I…I was wondering if maybe you would like to hang out sometime. We’re in a pandemic, so we could do Among Us again, or…something.”

Ethan was stuttering. It was adorable.

Morgan grinned slowly. “Yeah. I would like that. Among Us, and maybe in-person someday, too. After getting tested, of course.”

“Of course, of course. Can’t be too safe.”

“We’ll plan something.” Morgan said earnestly, excitement growing.

“Agreed.”

They said their goodnights soon after, and Morgan couldn’t stop herself from smiling. She had this odd feeling that everything was starting to fall into place.


	2. Chapter 2

The first time Morgan and Ethan tried to hang out, they had to cancel because Spencer, Ethan’s dog, had to visit the vet. Thankfully, Spencer was perfectly fine, and that was all that mattered; though she hadn’t had a pet in years, Morgan could remember the terror that came whenever literally _anything_ went wrong. Spencer was far more important.

The second time didn’t work out either, and it was both of their faults. Morgan had scheduled a Zoom lunch date with her cousin, and Ethan wound up shooting late for Unus Annus. It was another one of those “oops, well, we tried” situations. It didn’t bother her; Morgan was many things, but insecure was not one of them. She knew they were just having issues matching schedules, and that’s all it was.

So, Morgan reached out first to try and plan the next hangout. Third time’s the charm, after all.

_My place, tonight. We can order takeout OR I can cook. Your choice._

It was a little bold, but she had a feeling that Ethan would respect that.

She was correct; Ethan replied a few minutes later.

**hahaha sounds good! :) filming some unus annus vids today and then I’ll be over!**

Morgan grinned. _You’re negative, right?_

**Yeah, got tested yesterday. hbu?**

_I got tested too, I’m negative. Let me know about dinner!_

They were living in a pandemic; COVID-19 was still dangerous, and the country overall was not handling it well. Morgan had been lucky so far – neither she nor any of her family members had contracted the virus, and that was due to an abundance of caution. She hadn’t visited home in several years anyway, so it didn’t affect things too much regarding her family life. Ethan felt the same way about the pandemic and was in a similar situation, so they were both totally fine with getting tested before meeting in person.

Morgan was ridiculously excited to meet Ethan in person for a couple reasons. One…it’s Ethan! They were getting along very well so far. Since the Netflix night, they had watched movies together at least once a week, and also played Among Us.

**Let’s do takeout, wanna do some pasta? i can pick it up on my way over, i’ve got a good restaurant!**

She texted back that was fine and asked for the menu. After reviewing it, she texted Ethan her order and asked how he wanted her to pay him back. His response gave her pause.

**don’t worry about it! i’ll get this one**

Almost like Ethan could sense her getting ready to argue, he sent another text.

**you can get the next one ;)**

Morgan bit her lip.

Oh. My. God.

Was Ethan flirting with her? Was he just being funny to make sure she didn’t argue overpaying? Did the winky face _mean_ anything? She had absolutely no idea.

Morgan knew that Ethan had gone public about a recent breakup a month ago, though that didn’t mean the breakup had happened right at that moment. She hadn’t been in a relationship since college, and she had graduated two-and-a-half years ago. She couldn’t help but wonder if Ethan was just being very friendly, or if his actions were for something…more. Not a relationship, but maybe a rebound. But she couldn’t reconcile that thought with what she knew of Ethan – he seemed genuinely interested in being friends, and just from watching how he interacted with others, Morgan knew he would do anything for them.

That’s all this was. He wanted to make a good impression, so he decided to buy their dinner. That’s it.

The overthinking was a product of one too many first dates with guys who bought dinner and expected something because of it.

She took a deep breath, blew it out, and pushed it all to the back of her mind. She texted back a quick “ _haha, sounds good!”_ , and then began cleaning her apartment like never before. She went after every speck of dust, wiped down every surface, and fluffed every single pillow she owned, whether she thought Ethan would see it or not.

Morgan was not a dirty or messy person, so it wasn’t too difficult to clean up the apartment. In fact, she finished with enough time to edit a video. Today wasn’t a filming day, so she didn’t bother setting any of that up. She uploaded twice a week and operated on a strict filming and editing timeline; she had time set aside for everything, including putting makeup on before filming and downtime after.

No matter what Morgan’s schedule looked like, she made sure not to book herself for anything after 6:00PM, unless it was a stream or another meeting that _needed_ to occur due to time differences. Tonight, she would be eating dinner with Ethan.

He texted her when he was on his way, and she was more than a little excited. Morgan was wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, nothing crazy, but nothing too lounge-ish either. It felt like a good neutral outfit.

God, she was overthinking this.

Morgan buzzed him in twenty minutes after his text and waited by the front door. When Ethan knocked, she waited a couple seconds and then opened the door, smiling widely. “Ethan! Welcome to my humble abode!”

Ethan grinned a little shyly at her and lifted the bag of takeout up for her to inspect. “I brought dinner.”

“Awesome, I’m starved.”

She let him inside her apartment and shut the door behind him. Morgan gave him a brief tour of the apartment – “my bedroom is down the hall, and across from it is the bathroom, next to my office” – and then spun around to face him. “Are we eating out of the containers or do we want actual dishes?”

Ethan paused, tilting his head to the side as he considered her question in an oddly endearing manner. “I say containers.”

“Excellent choice.”

They wound up sitting on her couch with their food in their laps. Morgan sat criss-cross, the takeout container balanced against her thighs. Ethan sat normally; his own container was balanced between his spread legs.

You could tell a lot about a person by how they ate their takeout, Morgan thought. Ethan was idly pushing his food around rather than eating it, and she was ravenously scarfing down each bite like it would be her last. She took a break and a breath, finished chewing and swallowing, and paused to let her stomach catch up with her mouth. “You okay?”

Ethan looked at her a little sheepishly. “Yeah, I’m good. It’s just, uh, for an Unus Annus video today, Mark and I each ate one of the world’s hottest chips.”

Morgan blinked at him. “And it was…hot?”

He burst out laughing. “Yes! It was the hottest thing I have _ever_ eaten. The kind of hot where I felt nauseous after eating it. It just kept getting hotter and hotter, for like, ever. And then it stopped increasing and gradually let off, but it’s still kinda hot on my tongue.”

She made a sympathetic noise and hopped up from the couch. “Want some bread and butter? I feel like cold butter would help.” Ignoring his protests (they were weak protests anyway, just “oh I’m fine, Morgan, it’s okay!”), she padded over to her kitchen and grabbed a slice of bread, spread some cold butter over it (which was difficult), and then came back and handed it to him.

Ethan smiled a little as he took the bread. “Thanks, Morgan, I appreciate it.” She sat down as he took a bite, butter-side down, and chewed. His eyes went a little wide. “Wow. That’s oddly soothing.” He chuckled a little and finished the rest of the slice.

“Glad I could help,” she replied, a touch smugly.

They continued eating – Ethan occasionally pausing to keep his tongue at a normal temperature – and then the questions began. “So…you’re not from LA. Obviously. Neither am I. But where are you from? Where is home for Morgan Starr?”

Morgan lifted a finger to tell him to wait while she chewed, and then answered. “Home for me is here…without a doubt. I’m from Wisconsin, but I moved here when I got into UCLA. I was 18, and I got my degree and stayed.”

“Why did you stay?”

She hesitated. There were layers to this question, layers she wasn’t sure she wanted to dive into quite yet. “Back in Wisconsin, a lot of my family lived nearby, and it just became too much for me to handle. So, as soon as I got into UCLA, I left. Now I’m here, creating content and slowly paying off the debt that out-of-state tuition got me into. But it’s worth it.” Morgan ended confidently, hoping Ethan wouldn’t press too much about her family or life in Wisconsin.

She hadn’t gone home once since she had graduated. Not even for Thanksgiving and Christmas. She knew that her family would lay into her, asking questions like, “why get a degree, spend all of that money, and not use it?” and “surely you’re going to make all of that time and money worth it, right?” and her least favorite, “what on Earth are you doing with your hair?”

Her parents stuck up for her as best as they could, but they couldn’t stop the incessant shit-talking, or the anxiety that made her skin crawl when she was around her aunts. Her cousin also defended her, loudly, and Morgan was always grateful for it. Chelsea had been through the same shit before it started with Morgan, and was probably still dealing with it even now, despite being close to thirty-five years old. Morgan was urging her to come join her in California, but it was a slow process, considering Chelsea had a husband and two children. Things like that tended to slow a person down.

Morgan pushed the thought of Chelsea’s kids, who were more like her younger siblings, violently away and took another bite of her food. Chewed. Swallowed. Couldn’t help but remember how devastated Paisley, the older of the two, had been when she had moved.

“You moved here from Maine, right? Do you ever think about going back?”

Immediately, Ethan shook his head no. “No, I don’t. I’m happy here. Coming here was one of the best decisions I ever made.” He looked back over at Morgan. “You got your degree. I watched the video you made after you graduated college.”

It wasn’t phrased as a question, but it felt like one. Morgan blushed. “You watched my videos?”

“Yeah, I’ve been, ah, going through them recently.”

She grinned. “I’ve been going through yours. And catching up on Unus Annus videos, too.”

Now it was Ethan’s turn to blush. “Well…time’s running out, you know, so…get moving on that.”

They giggled.

“Yeah, I got a bachelor’s degree in Biology, and I minored in graphic design. Those were my ‘fun’ classes, if you could call them that.” Morgan smiled, reminiscing. “I learned a lot and met a lot of great people.”

“You were in a sorority.”

“You really did do your research.” Morgan looked at him appraisingly. “Not only was I in a sorority, I became president of my chapter.”

“Damn.” Ethan looked impressed. “That sounds important.”

She nodded sagely. “I go by Madame President to this day.”

“I’ll write that down.”

They continued talking for a little while longer, and Morgan felt like she was seeing the real Ethan, the one underneath all of the bits and laughter. He was leaning back against the couch, legs spread, body turned to face her. His shoulders were loose, his voice was low and unrushed, and he was smiling. It was nice. She hoped that she was giving him the same vibe.

Eventually all of the food was gone, and Ethan decided to use the bathroom before they decided on a show to watch. They were both night owls, something she had picked up on during their texting, so she didn’t mind the later hour.

“Morgan!”

She leapt up from the couch and skidded towards the bathroom. “What?! Is everything okay?!”

Ethan opened the door, grinning mischievously. “You didn’t tell me that you smoke.”

“Hey! I thought you were hurt!” She frowned at him, and then relaxed when he pouted rather pathetically at her. “Yeah, I smoke…did I leave it out?”

Ethan pushed the door open, and she saw that she had left her stash jar out and _open_ on the counter.

“Damn.” Now she frowned towards the jar. “I thought I put that away.”

Ethan started laughing. “You did not. It smells pretty loud in here.”

“Sorry about that. But yeah, I smoke. It…helps my brain quiet down,” she admitted, reaching past Ethan to snatch the jar. Their arms brushed, and she pretended not to notice it.

“Hey, I don’t mind. I smoke too, actually.”

Morgan looked down at her jar and then back up at him. “Well then, friend. Shall we smoke a bowl?”

They did. Actually, they each smoked a bowl, packed by Morgan, because their tolerances were too high to do much with half a bowl between them.

Thoroughly baked, Morgan turned on Netflix and started scrolling. “I feel like I knew that you smoked.”

“Yeah, I’ve talked about it on Unus Annus a bit here and there. But I had _no idea_ that you smoked.”

Morgan stared at the screen, trying to decide if she really did want to watch _Supernatural_ or if it was just a passing fancy. “I don’t talk about it on my channel, or any social media really. People make assumptions about it, and I just don’t want it to bite me in the ass, I guess.”

“It’s legal here though. You’re over 21.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I don’t know. I guess smoking weed is just…not a part of the persona I put on for the camera.” Really, though, she just didn’t want any of her family to find about it. It would be just another thing for them to nag her about.

They were quiet for a minute. Morgan wondered if Ethan was thinking about his own online persona, or if he was thinking about hers and how much of it was really her. All of it was her, just exaggerated, and it wasn’t always the full picture.

Then her brain bottomed out and she lost her train of thought.

Morgan looked at Ethan. Ethan was already looking at her. “How do you feel about _Supernatural_?”

“I have never watched a single episode.”

And thus, their weekly _Supernatural_ nights came to be. At least once a week, every Wednesday, Ethan would come over to her apartment and they would eat dinner, talk, and then start watching _Supernatural_ before eventually going home. Sometimes they smoked, too. Occasionally they did it virtually when their schedules were too much. Wednesdays quickly became Morgan’s favorite day of the week, just because she got to see Ethan. She learned so much about him in those weeks – his frustrations with his channel and being a content creator in general, his love for his family and friends, and all about Spencer. His passion for creating, and his fear of never being good enough.

He even told her a little more about Mika, his ex-girlfriend and current friend, although he didn’t tell her why they broke up. She didn’t ask, either.

Morgan told Ethan about her time in college, about how she struggled with feeling like the only thing she was good at was school. She talked about how she could remember feeling so overwhelmed she couldn’t breathe, and her anxiety would get so bad it was all she could do to finish college. But she was successful – she graduated with honors, had a 3.94 GPA, was president of her sorority chapter, and did research.

“Why did you focus on YouTube?” Ethan asked her once, looking quizzically at her. “I know you started the channel right before college, because I read your Wikia page, but why did you choose that path instead of doing something with your degree?”

She laughed at the Wikia comment and then thought for a minute before speaking. “I wanted to prove to myself that I could be good at something besides being a student. Because I’m a good student, a _great_ student, actually, but it is so suffocating sometimes to just do school. I was going to apply to pharmacy school, I took the test and did all the pre-requisites, and then the thought of more school, harder school, made me want to die. So, I took a year off, promising myself that if YouTube didn’t work out, I would apply anyway.”

Ethan digested her answer and chuckled softly. “You’re one of the few people I know on YouTube who actually has a degree.”

She grinned. “And look at all the good it did me. I don’t even use the fucking thing.”

Her education was a privilege, and it had helped her grow as a person, but sometimes she wondered what would have happened if she hadn’t gone to college, and instead done what Ethan had done and focused entirely on her channel.

Morgan also shared her love of books with Ethan, who definitely understood the power of finding something that took you far away from reality, but just couldn’t do it from words from some pages.

“That’s what I love about creating. Sometimes, when I’m filming or writing a script, or working on an idea, everything else fades away and nothing exists but me and whatever I’m working on.” He told her once, and goosebumps rose on her arms, because _yes_ , she felt that feeling, too.

Deep conversations came easily at one in the morning, especially when one was so fucking stoned, they could hardly blink.

One night in October, around 2:00AM, Morgan got a phone call from Ethan.

“Hey,” she answered the phone in a soft voice, well-aware of the hour, “what’s up?”

“Can’t sleep.” Ethan replied, sighing gently. Something in her chest twisted and warmed. “Kinda figured you were in the same boat.”

“Yep,” Morgan sighed. Normally, she would smoke and that would help her fall asleep, but she was trying to cut back on it. “I’m wide awake.”

She heard some rustling on the other end of the phone and assumed Ethan was lying in bed, holding his phone to his ear and listening to her. Hoping something would soothe them both enough for the insomnia to be forgotten, and for sleep to be blissful. God, she wished she could fall asleep easier.

“I have an idea. But only if you want to.” Ethan sounded the slightest bit nervous, and a sudden clarity hit Morgan like a football to the back of the head.

She would do anything for this boy – for this man.

It was a conclusion she had been ignoring for a while now. Morgan liked Ethan, more than she cared to admit. He was funny, smart, quick-witted, and to be honest, exactly her type. He was also so _nice_ , and so perceptive. He picked up on her mood within seconds of being around her and made her laugh and whenever she was around him, she felt happy.

“Yes,” she answered back, voice even softer with her newfound realization, “anything.”

“Read to me?”

That thing in her chest twisted even more painfully even as the feeling somehow lightened simultaneously. “You…you want me to read to you? Like, a book?”

“Yeah, yeah, if you’re okay with that. You don’t have to, it’s just, I like, like your voice and you like reading and I’ve been thinking about all of these places I’ve never been to, metaphorically, because I won’t read, well, I can’t read. I mean, I can read, but it’s so hard, and I thought this might be a nice way for us to connect and also for me to go to the realities you go to, because being here sometimes fucking sucks, man, and I – “

“Ethan.” She cut in.

“Yes?”

“Of course, I’ll read to you. It just surprised me is all. Anything in particular?”

The rustling noise came again. “Something far away from here, please.”

That thing in her chest – the thing she knew was her _heart_ – broke into a thousand pieces, and Morgan silently got up and went to her bookshelf to browse them. He was having a bad day, then. She’d suspected it, but the babbling and his request had proved it.

She chose a book she enjoyed and reread every year, and then went back to sit on her bed. She turned on her lamp and opened the book to the very first page. “I chose a book called _Six of Crows_ , by Leigh Bardugo. It’s one of my favorites, and it’s about completing an impossible heist.”

“Like… _A Heist with Markiplier_?”

Morgan laughed. “I have no idea. Don’t tell him, but I haven’t watched that yet.”

They giggled quietly, Ethan promising he wouldn’t mention it.

“Alright. The first chapter is kinda weird, but I promise it gets better. Okay?”

“Okay.”

With a deep breath, Morgan began to read. “’Joost had two problems: the moon and his mustache…’”

She read for almost an hour, to the point where her voice was getting hoarse from talking so much. She finished Chapter 3 and a wave of exhaustion hit her out of nowhere. Even reading about Kaz Brekker made her sleepy at this time.

Ethan yawned too. “That was great, Morgan. I really enjoyed that, and I think I’m going to go to sleep. Thank you, goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Morgan whispered back, and then she hung up and set her phone aside on her bedside table, along with _Six of Crows_. She reclined back on her bed, laying against the many pillows she had against the headboard (pillows she always shoved over onto the other side of her bed at night, as she used only one herself).

She was fucked. Right then and there, Morgan knew she was an absolute goner for Ethan Nestor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Please let me know what you think, and drop a kudos if you're enjoying this fic! Next chapter will be a bit more spicy ;)


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